Living Life with Intention: A Consultant’s thoughts on Attention

Living Life with Intention: A Consultant’s thoughts on Attention

We are nothing but a speck in this universe. In this fast-paced world, we are buried by competition. There are over thousands of fresh graduates from all corners of the globe and it makes our career path appear narrower. Thus, most of us end up applying for a job that is available on our plate. Unfortunately, not all of us has the liberty to stay unemployed for a while. Bills and adulthood can take its toll quickly.
As reality bites, we sometimes find ourselves questioning our very existence. But, we live in an era where (almost) everyone steers to social media. They tend to find validity and worth through likes and shares. From relationship goals, travel blogs, to sumptuous Instagram post of a fancy dinner, or a newly purchase shoes…we all love seeing the good stuff. However, the majority of them still feel hollow and does not have the fire to wake up each day. Not everyone of us has the fire to look at the mirror and get excited about the new work day. It always seems like just another day in the office.

How do we find our passion?
We find our passion by doing the things we love. Yes, it’s easier said than done. Sometimes, the things that make us whole are the things that are right infront of us. And it just takes some mindfulness of one self. How do we become aware of ourself? It’s one easy word: attention.
If we are living a few decades back, without the mobile phones and the wireless technology, can you imagine what would you be doing at this very moment? Do you think you would take the time to look around your surrounding? Smell the fresh air or enjoy the green trees?

When life gives you lemon…
Attention helps us become aware of what we have. It makes us think about our current resources, our assets, our liabilities, and our whole being. Being attentive with how we feel, how we react, and how we perceive on our lifes’ daily challenges. As a consultant, this will give you a different vantage point. It gives you a different perspective.
If you are struggling with your career right now, should you put extra attentiveness to it, would it make the difference? Would you be able to identify your weaknesses? Would you be able to know what part of the job you love and what are the type of tasks that you are struggling to?
These are the lemons of your career. Would you be able to make lemonades out of it?
As you grow attentive, you will be able to learn your pros and cons. It will help you evaluate your career decisions. Are you where you wanted to be if you ask your 5 years younger version of yourself?

Intention: Knowing my path
If you’re positive about your current standing, then, well done. You knew yourself well. But, are you creating traction? Where do you see yourself five years and beyond? Would you still sit in the same corner in the office? How do you intend to succeed on your job?
Meanwhile, if you feel like you are on a dead end or you felt like you slept on the wrond side of the bed, then that is still progress. You were able to pay attention to your capabilities. Now it’s time to put some meaning to what you are going to do and what you are currently doing. It’s time to draw your intention.
Who do I intend to be? What is the value that I can bring on the table? Will I become a catalyst of change? Your intention will become your passion. Do you intend to make a difference?

A few real-life examples
Your attention is like a muscle. Train it by reminding yourself not to switch tabs on the computer instead remained focused. Remind yourself to get your important stuff done the first thing of the day before everyone else’s agendas spills over, likewise when you just feel like crashing on the couch at home. Its WAY easier to get it done before then once you’re rooted to the seat. Just like physical training. Making plans the day before and get it done on the way home. Just like with physical training its important what you eat. Don’t leave garbage food at home. With attention is the same thing. Don’t have tabs running that you’ll check later. Don’t let email control your day. Control your interruptions as much as possible. Listen for what works for you. And for your manager if you have one

Attention and placebo. We often get what we look for. Like when I failed miserably learning to ride a motorbike when I was young my teacher used to say “Ric – look where you’re heading not at your hands”, interestingly that’s exactly what I learned from my martial art teacher as well -  being mindful of feints and the tricks our own focus play on ourselves. Attention is most often just a projection of our self as well. I remember for example that you like red Corvettes. If I would ask you how many you see you’d probably see them a lot more than someone who is not interested in them. You’d give a summary how common they are. Still, if you’re happy for their driver and inspired to take action or just giving up in envy will most likely affect your judgement how frequent they REALLY are.

What's your intention with where you place your attention?
Do you most often get what you intend to get? give what you intend to give?

Investing for the Greater Good
It is said that you are the average of the five people you invest your time to. This also works for the type of news your reading a day. Where do you spend most of your time? Do you binge watch to Netflix series all day? Or do you spend a part of your time tweaking your resume, highlighting your strengths? Did you ever have the time for learning new skills or improving the ones that you have? Do you have the right network of people?
Be honest with yourself, with what you have right now…would you be able to say that you are going to the right path?
As you become more mindful, do you find time doing the things that matter to you? Will your efforts go to waste? Will you stay complaining or do something about it

Why High Standards help you & Why Commitment increase attention

Why High Standards help you - Why Commitment increase attention

Quite often I get the question “why do you do this?” Some talk about “why the commitment on consistency” others “why for free when you have people who are thankful for the opportunity to  pay you for your knowledge and the results you help them bring”

I’m happily sharing help to anyone, time permitting so most people know I enjoy helping, serving, giving a lifting hand. I think it’s in the context of “why are you forcing on yourself a higher standard when no-one else is asking for it”   - this question I often get at my consultant assignments or pro-bono mentoring as well.

I have many reasons or doing this. The first is:

“Be generously the person you needed when you where younger”

I have done a lot of mistakes in my life. I learn constantly and have been lucky to most of the time having wise and generous people around me, wanting to invest their energy and time into helping me learn faster, helping me archive more, helping me see the roads to having an impact for more people. It feels really good giving back after been lucky to receive so much. And there was times in my life when I had no role-models to learn from. And wish everyone to have some-place to learn how to improve, how to figure out who they want to become if they’re not where they want to be in life.

Another question I get quite often is:

“What’s up with all the questions to the listener? ... or out to the void”

What I say is not really important. What matters is what happens on the listener side.

Is my effort helping anyone take actions to bettering their life or not.

There I think making people questions where they stand is the greatest gift we can give. I’m sharing some thoughts hopefully helping they land in an answer and in taking actions on that answer, or taking action in deepening the question or searching for an answer if need be.

just listening, reading, watching - does not change munch

You can say in most way what I say is irrelevant if it doesn’t make you, my listening, take action for the better.

Some people say I would sound smarter if I state things as the truth, or most likely this or that but I don’t feel like that. I’m just sharing a worldview, mine, that’s not the truth. I do read a lot of studies, surveys, data and metrics but that’s not the whole holistic truth either. That’s just data that we can see, measure and touch but choose to act very different on. My wish is to make your life better, not make me sound better. Only you know your life.

“Why the consistency”?

When you know you have committed yourself to show up, you see more of life.

Something shifts in you when you commit to higher standards. When you commit to something beyond yourself. Commit to helping others even when it’s not the perfect time. It rarely is the perfect time to do something you don’t need to. When the only one saying you should is you its easy skip it.

I want to inspire you to do the same, on YOUR path, on following your passion. When you start to commit to something you’ll pay attention to so much more.

I remember when I starting a drawings course.. Suddenly I started to see shadows in everyone’s faces, in architecture, everywhere.

Same thing with photography, but instead I see the light, the multiple lights that wash over most things around us.

Same thing when I started an impro class (to extent my comfortzone, oh my how uncomfortable I was until I one day noticed I was actually having fun, you will to in your area eventually if you just keep it up)

Same thing when you’re learning any trade – you’ll start to see the underlying mechanics

For example when driving change - you see the underlying empathy everywhere. Without it nothing happens, not enough “care” from people, not enough urgency.

Your attention is soo important, don’t waste it. And selfishly for myself. This commitment to showing up to share these thoughts on a regular basis helps me grow, my mind have to get new input, have to stretch, analyse, do the emotional hard work in raising my standard. The standard I set of who I want to be (I want to be a person that shares and helps others on a regular basis)

I’m quite sure all these out there that are writing a book, a novel without the courage to share it with the world, just hiding their gem in the drawer when going to bed at night. They too have a brain that benefit from this heightened attention as well. To these wonderful people I say the world needs you, your gift to the world, how can we help you get the courage to share. Its not easy, it wasn’t for me but eventually it became a lot easier. I still second guess and doubt myself. You will to, but it does get easier with consistency.

“Why all the talk about these soft-skills? Feelings, imagination, awareness, driving lasting change”

For me It’s important to share my struggles, weakness, fears and vulnerabilities so others can follow their own “imagination of what may be”

When I started I was very bad at this. Most people told me “why? You've dont got this, you already excel at other stuff, why do you persist with this that you’re apparently lousy at”

I got feedback like “Why? There’s already people out there that talks about similar things”

 ”sound louder/more volume”. “sound happier/more cheerful (I’m extremely positive in nature so although said with care they couldn’t understand why I sounded like a strangled cat on the recordings when I’m so happy go along in the real life world)

So I didn’t get that much cheers when starting this. It was mostly resistance. This from people I knew and trusted. And in for a long time it as crickets from the world. Nothing. A rising download number but not the huge numbers the “top” people talked about, nothing like that by far. Some part of me was still scared about the numbers being awfully high since I was so bad at it still, I silently thanked for it. I know now that most likely didn’t help.

Now I hear “thank you” and stories of change taking place because something I shared.

You can to. You can have a bigger impact than you think. But you MUST start. And you must be patient... and sadly, most likely you’ll have to stand alone for a while because most people will not understand. But that’s EXACLY why you need to do it. So other people out there that understand what only you understand in the area you are, with the people you meet understand. Because out there, in the void, on this globe are other people just like you.. ..who know things you know, and just like you, are fighting the resistance trying to too do better. Be their guiding star. Be there for them and you’ll realize this journey will also make you become more of you. Become more of the person your younger self needed.

To this for your own sake, but for sure, it will also help you be a person others gladly connect to

if this text helps you, try listening to my podcast episode about the same thing

Full Contact play with your Anti-thesis

Full Contact play with your Anti-thesis

Get the habit of embracing an anti-thesis to your belief every now and then to deepen your learning on your topic, or that it's time to leave while “on top.”

Perhaps get together with dinner with some mastermind friends on a yearly basis and ask everyone to bring a thesis on the other side of the force. Ask them to listen to you while you’re arguing out loud why you are wrong to invest your time where you do, why your predictions are likely to fail. Get challenged in a caring way and invite the dance of tension around the work you create. Then Listen to your friends share their wisdom. Why do we embrace (IN THEORY) the anti-thesis like this? Because what you’re unaware of controls you. Every 20 years there is leaps beyond what anyone saw coming leaving people in the dust that thought the change here was impossible.

Arguing “against” our own beliefs is important. The learning FROM it is even more so.
Please do not confuse this with second-guessing yourself or not daring to leap because you’re afraid or have to re-run an anti-thesis. This is when you’re caught by something the opposite. When you “KNOW” for ”a fact” you’re so right.

it's also Very important to do this with people that know how to let go. You don’t want to over-invest time into this activity. You want to do this will person who can let go knowing the difference of challenge an idea with an encouraging mindset of learning, not with an exact science. The goal of this exercise is to become aware so we can move on and invest more effort into doing the work that makes a difference. Not dig down into the “what if” or details burying our time, stealing our focus from doing the work. Resistance hides in many forms. Knowing when to let go is a tricky task at times.

Doing this yourself is no near as powerful as doing it with someone who can help you leap higher, faster and land better. But beware. Most people will confuse their own unlived lives with your accomplishments. They will find faults instead of trying to be a helpful and giving both energy, flaws, and solutions. Some people will be scared of the prospect of you daring to leap where they didn’t and unconsciously hope you won’t succeed. Meaning well but not being able to see past their own illusions. Ensure you ask help from people who in one form or another have to reach their own definition of success. People who have a habit of defining their own destiny, accomplishing their own goal is way less threatened by you completing yours.
 
Every minute there is a chance to do something smart that no-one ever thinks of, that forces gather against resisting. If they didn’t everyone would be doing it. Yes – look under the bed if there are monsters there. Don’t fall into the habit of doing it often lest it steals precious time you could have invested in making a difference, but also don’t pretend there isn’t any monster there just because it wasn’t there when you looked ten years ago

What you are unaware of controls your options. Every time. Just because this has served you well once, or appear to serve you still does not have to mean it’s so. Companies today are not prosperous for as long as they were. According to studies, the number of years companies have been on the Forbes Fortune 500 list has rapidly declined the last decade.

Most of those that vanished were not eaten by their competitor or outrun by their competitor. They turned obsolete by something that wasn’t even on their map, couldn’t have been imagined by their radar. What you are unaware of controls your options. Reach out, become aware of the ever-present changes around you. Harness these changes, use the energy and tension for the best. Helping yourself and those around you see what is about to happen so you don’t have to jump ship, shift lane, rebuild or refocus at the same time as everyone else.

Examples I’ve been wrong is when I was a young 20 something and my friends started buying their flats. For Stockholm-prices I thought they’re insane and that will never last. That has cost me many years salaries. Not daring to start my own company for many years due to fear that has cost me even more in both money, freedom and personal growth. Not daring to invest in the internet infrastructure when I got my email address back 1996 – fighting a lot of my co-workers for the need for it professionally when most didn’t see it... Had I dared to put my cheek out more? A lot of things would have been different today. But I fear and “stay in line” feelings kept me in check.

I’m quite sure 20 years from now I’ll look back wondering over a few of my decisions as to why I didn’t understand I was living through my 10th gold-rush age. Why I didn’t see it happening. Why I didn’t invest in this or that. I’m not talking about monetary investment, I’m talking about emotional investment. About daring to leap, daring to give, daring to help something that might not work, something that might fail and help despite that. Help just in case it would make a difference for someone else. It's never too late to step up, take responsibility and make a difference. There is always new trains to catch. Likewise, there will never be a platform to secure it can’t tumble down hard. Become aware. Dare to embrace Full Contact play with your anti-thesis every now and then- so you’re not standing on something that might very well be an illusion.

Urgent question for you - Whats your position?

Urgent question for you- What’s your position?

With a position in this context, this includes the company you are working with-- what value do you want to bring others? Or said in another way: Who do you want to miss YOU and your art/guidance/results if you didn’t keep bringing it to them?

That question has always been important. Now is urgent. The exponential growth we see in most areas, professions, and trades is wonderful. But will soon leave most of us in a state of feeling like we’ve got a 30-year-old kitchen when trying to sell our house. For example, gamification has solved a lot of scientifically challenging topics that wasn’t solved in 15 years or more. These very same problems are now solved within hours.  That kind of difference will just become bigger and bigger.

You might think this is just for us nerdy computer geeks. Sure a computer can analyse way better than me. But try to ask a cab driver about what they feel right now with Uber. Or an artist about Spotify. Or Lawyers about insanely effective on-demand analytics.. and soon driver-less cars. No profession will be untouched. Everything will become more effective. Become aware and aware of how and where, so you can harness this and be ahead of the wave of change so you’ll not have to jump ship on the same wave as everyone else.

And help your friends, family, co-workers become aware too. Listen to it. Make up your own mind.

One way to think about when embracing this urgent need for change is getting better clients. This change has been long in the making. Remember travel-agents with great stores 20 years ago? Banks physical locations. We're living in the shared instant access area of Exponential Growth right now and we cheered at not having to cue at banks, at having algorithms help us instead-find the best travel offer etc. And I'm still VERY optimistic about the future and its NEVER been as easy to help others as it is today, its easier than ever to do the important work, to make a difference, to connect today. But please start. Don't wait. its been long in the making but now it's urgent. You see computers, analytics and soon robots don't sleep. They keep chewing on becoming better and better second after second. Slowly becoming more and more effective and we're now at a point in the exponential graph where it's getting faster and faster quick. Act now and ride that wave.

Get better clients

If you want to avoid becoming a commodity you’ll need to actively work to choose your clients. That’s right that means MORE effort in the beginning. Choosing your clients will make you more successful than just helping those that ask/those you ask.

Tim Ferris says 80/20 – 20% of your client will cost you more than the 80% combined. And I’d say it's not just about money costs. It's also about your energy, your reputation and everything else.

Some people have a huge need of for example feeling heard. They will most likely never think in their mind that you’re paying them enough attention. And the placebo effect is huge. They’ll see proof of that everywhere. The alternative cost of that is huge versus a client that is thankful for the attention you give them and the result it wields. Second guessing is draining. Investing and focusing on creating results is re-energizing. People who have the power themselves to act on your results will make themselves more successful thus making your results look more important.

YOU NEED TO CREATE THE RESULTS OR TRUST FIRST

You can't expect the right client to wait for you without nothing. You need to make a choice easy for them. Either by building trust they when you’ll create their future you’ll deliver on it, OR by having results proving you’ve already done what they’re asking you to do successfully for others. Of course having both trust and results are better. But it's hard to have trust before we have any sort of relationships but surely without any trust, you’ll now be asked to help. It's your job to be 100% true, told in a for them relevant, persuasive manner.

Own your own position

Own your own position. Become recognizable you for some results and some people you do that for. Own that niche. In the internet age there is power in being small, niched down. If you’re well-known for a very specific area, with having helped a lot of clients reach their success in that very specific area you’re not in comparison with the other candidates for that position that they’re looking to fill. Owning your position does not work if you try to squeeze and turn your resume towards the current area you’re seeking an assignment for. Owning means I was here before you where you were looking and I will be here once we complete making you successful in yours. Daring to choose your area requires awareness and results that you’re proud of. Make it very niche down. Experiment with descripting your results until your old clients cheer at you for your accuracy in describing what you did for them.

You Become the Company You Keep

You become the company you keep.

Another way of saying it is "you are the average of the X people you spend the most time with."

I believe WHO you invest most of your time with is the most important decision of your life.

In the right company, most things seem easy. Often you can see the trail of a group of people rendezvousing every here and there overlapping companies and organisations and wonderful things happen. You don’t have to be one of those to have magic happening to you.

Create your own magic. Create your own group of people doing the work that matters. You can’t change other people, you can only change yourself. So if you find you’re not getting the support you wish, nor having those around you value and act on the support you give, then it is up to you to find new people to help and to encourage. Afterwards, you’ll find that you’re on the path to building that group of masterminds that align to what you value. Towards what you want to help create in this world.

I attended a coaching course this week (Lego Serious Play, detailed info here) where one of the things we talked about is how lasting the hurt of criticism can be, and how much power there is in encouragement: in helping to see the viewpoint of our teammate. Criticism really makes it harder for your company to do better now and next time. Be mindful and wary of that. Try to seek and include more people around you that boost you, that empower you to do better with way more encouragement. When they feel the need to criticize they should know where the source of those feelings come from. If it’s internal coming from themselves, they can always opt to re-voice their thoughts of criticism in another way to encourage a better version. Note that criticism serves an important purpose but it should be used with respect since it is most often hurtful, thus use it with care.

Be kind to people because you never know what people struggle with that isn’t shown on the outside. You never know what the previous bag of hurt someone else is carrying and your criticism might accidentally hit without them saying. Being kind is also a great get together with other people who are kind and who wants to help.

Why do I believe this is the most important decision in your life? Because if you hang around with people who will encourage you to archive great things and who believe in you the reason is that, in essence, they believe in themselves and their own power to create great things. You will go further in life.

The mirror neurons in your brain will learn from their successes. Learn from their manners, from their behaviors: small things on how they talk and settle things on the phone. How they encourage themselves and others to clarity, courage and knowing when to dare to take a leap despite trembling legs. When to listen to those tired legs and award themselves some rest and rejuvenation. Because they’ve been there. Because they too know how to fumble and be new at something. Because they too trust that with grit and willpower which you will learn to master too even if you’re in the dip right now.

Because study after study shows that parents who actively look for things to praise their kids with will see more of those. In return, it is helping their kids grow. It’s the exactly the same thing with managers, even if you might have to set the boundaries and challenge level higher.

If you surround yourself with people who enjoy looking for things you’re doing well, who actively enjoy supporting those tasks that challenge you, will both lean to you for peer insight and as well as time to time have gone a step before you. Or listening to your wisdom on parts of your life where you are ahead of them… you will go further. You will have a greater impact.

Another incentive for you to make this happen is that MRI scan studies show that our brains actually align when talking to people we like. And if you’re impressed by their friendship and their results – isn’t that a great thing for you?

Isn’t it wonderful to invest time with people who challenge you and help your mind soar high above, yet keeping your feet grounded and your hands on the plow of the hard work that’s required of making it happen? These are people you’re just happy and thankful to spend time with. Suddenly, you’ve both achieved something that makes all of you happy for each other’s sake?

These things might seem simple and obviously easy when looking at groups of awesome from afar. Yet here we stand, confused and sometimes not knowing how to archive it.

You can’t change your past, your childhood, and other people but you CAN choose to re-arrange how you invest your time. (Unless you’re imprisoned. I’ve read somewhere, that the option to choose who spend your time with is the major loss when imprisoned. The mind and most other of our arts are still free to soar).

Start by becoming aware of where you invest most of your time. Start by honestly asking yourself: am I doing work for things that matter to me? Am I getting the impact I dreamt of as a kid?

Then, once you know that, ask yourself who you’re doing what with the most. Look towards people doing the work that matters to you and ask yourself, how can I help them? Start with something small and re-apply until you notice something stick. If you’ve never done it before, you’re likely to fail a couple of times but that doesn’t matter. You’re doing this primarily to be kind, to help and not to receive.. but if you feel you’re not getting what you intended out of it just disengage and retry with someone else.

Aim for small things like sharing a lunch. It could be anything. Don’t throw half your week at this. Ensure you still deliver all you’ve promised and squeeze something small in. And once you’ve got that going well, squeeze in some more until you’ve got a plate full of the work that matters to yourself and let go of things that aren't part of that plate.

Surround yourself with people who act. It's easy to talk about how things should be, and gossip might feel good for a while but both things actually make things worse in the long run so it's better to just step away. Otherwise, you’ll never be “free” to surround yourself with people who act. Remember that predicting the right thing might be impressive, but its actually preparing and creating something to harvest is what makes a difference. Be one of those that act and take initiative and people who matter will follow you… eventually. This is NOT a quick-fix to get new friends. This is to ensure you’re surrounded with people who you love and who love you back for the long haul. This is the way of building longlasting relationships.

This will NOT happen by itself. This will happen when you start and keep at it for a while, learning as you go. NOT taking action is the same as digging yourself harder at where you are. The earlier you show yourself that you can take a small step, the easier it is. Your future self will thank you. As will the world, since you’ll be making the world a better place

If you prefer seeing it from the business side:

Ever thought about why the managers who deliver great results and retain their people, focus so much more on the important order in which “who does what by when”. These are people that really changes what is possible by when in a big way. Most of the time you can’t replace 'who' without also affecting the result. If you can replace the 'who' without also affecting the result, you're not asking the individual to stretch; to really do the important work that matters big time. You're not really getting the most out of the individual, nor is the individual getting the most out of this work.

Here are some quotes from some smart people to get you inspired to take action on this:
Perhaps their wise words will make you see who you want to approach?.. or let go?

• Basically, when you get to my age, you'll really measure your success in life by how many of the people you want to have love you actually do love you.
• A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
• When you show deep empathy toward others, their defensive energy goes down, and positive energy replaces it. That's when you can get more creative in solving problems. Stephen Covey
• Your most important work is always ahead of you, never behind you.
• Chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken.
• Predicting rain doesn't count. Building arks does.
• Effective leadership is putting first things first.
  Effective management is discipline, carrying it out.
• My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me. Henry Ford
• There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all.
• The best way to predict the future is to create it.
• Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes... but no plans.
• Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.

These are just some quotes that make my day and makes me know I'm with "my" people. What quotes will help you identify yours? What behaviors should you be on the lookout for?
What behavior should you show yourself to attract them?

Don't underestimate the power of your "just one" person around who vent their frustration without taking any actions themselves/complains/etc over time. Don't underestimate the power of not choosing your own path.

Give yourself the investment of really great relationships & friends, if only for a few minutes more per week for starters.
 

Meta-Memory, Meta-Me – Self-confusion and Clarity

Meta-Memory, Meta-Me – Self-confusion and Clarity

Some say our memory is “us”, that we are the core of what we remember. Our achievements, friends who have always been there for us and the people and activities and things we love.

Study after study proves we can’t trust our memory. Yet most of us trust our own memory even more than the cameras at an eventual incident. Are you sure you know who you are?

I think you’re responsible for making sense of your memories, not your memories as they are (as much as possible as noted below, we don’t have any brain memories from our most formative years but might have “body-memories”).
 
It’s what you decide to do that defines you more than your memories. Just like Aldus Dumbledore tell Harry in the second book in 1998:
“It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities”

I claim it’s the exact same thing with our memories and in many other things. People with traumatic pasts can overcome their memories and create wonderful futures, people with wonderful upbringing can still get stuck on a memory, immobilizing them.
Life is mostly about taking actions for a better future, not about reliving the past.
Harness your memories, understand them and their origin but don’t let them control you or get you stuck – a terrible waste if the memory itself proves to be false. (And of course the opposite, a wonderful gain if it boosts your confidence.)                                             

Studies show that our memory is something highly rewritable. Something we potentially adjust every time we retrieve it, for the duration of our life. Your brain develops throughout life.
Your life is NOT about the life you had, but the life you will have.
Sure, we can always blame the misfortune that has befallen us. The choice is yours. But embracing reality for me is about embracing what is, focusing on making a better future for myself and those around me rather than settling for what’s been.

Studies also show that people who have had a tough time but can make a narrative that makes sense, or at least connect the dots of how their existence used to be is by far more likely to create a better future for themselves than those who are still fighting old memories, trying to change what’s been or changing a person at the moment based on what happened long before. Instead of focusing on what they want today and what they want their future to become. It’s important to learn from our past. Our past is a gift into creating our future, although it sometimes doesn’t feel like that.

The narrative we tell ourselves is important because it affects our memory. I often talk nostalgia with my childhood friends, and we often love going back to old challenges, fears, and celebrations. That builds our relationship and deepen our connection. Still, it can happen that the fish we caught wasn’t anything near the size at what the story is now told to be, without any one of us realizing the change. Or when we revisit an old trail we used to meet up at when we were kids now appear totally different, when in reality, it’s our memories that have changed rather than the place itself. (Based on looking at old photos).
 

Likewise, I often have to remind my childhood friends when fake memories appear. Such as “Ric, you’ve always had it lucky and easy with women” whenever we’re lucky to have a female waiter give me a free bun or some other freebie and I admit, now often happens. Yet I remind them that when I was a young kid, I was an awkward nerd towards the ladies. I rather hid in a book whenever a beautiful girl approached me in a connection-seeking manner or I endlessly start searching for something in my bag when I notice being noticed by a girl on the bus until the moment passed.

That’s how my life used to be then. But that’s all overwritten by the countless experiences I’ve had the last 20 years with freebies and approaches. My friends now have forgotten about the cowardly character I used to be. Now it brings a nostalgic smile to my face. Yet at the time I felt like I was imprisoned in my own mind, berating myself that I chickened out again and again when the opportunity was there. And I think that’s the key to our memory, the key to our growth. That I can understand where my fear came from and I can understand why I opted out from creating that connection back then, and today comes so easily. I can forgive myself for not taking the leap then.

Can you? I’m sure you can relate to the same fear, perhaps for different things. Perhaps what was fearsome for me then was easy for you. But I’m sure you too have opted out from taking initiatives you secretly wish you had taken. Perhaps kindness toward yourself in that moment can help you dare to do something different next time opportunity arises?

I think it’s very important to note that we don’t remember our most formative years. Yet some of us deeply believe in those memories. How come? What do you remember? Me, I believe in a few stories retold a thousand of times from caring relatives. It’s really hard to “know” what are my own honest, actual memories and are reconstructions from the well-intended stories. In this case, it might be harmless, in other cases it's surely not. Ensure you think about the moments you treasure more than the ones you fear.

Most of the really awesome people I know journal. I’m not doing it that much myself but whenever my life doesn’t go my way I do that. It’s an amazing way to learn about our own patterns. To go back and realize “oh my” we DO this X every week, I thought it was much rarer than that. Or the opposite. I now realize I don’t do as often as this and that. Once again, embracing reality for what it is is asking ourselves the question. “Did I accomplish what I intended?” It’s so easy to fool ourselves into saying it’s not that often X or Y happens when the reality is quite different. Give it a try.

Life is subjective. We’re very persuadable, all of us. Studies show that memories of events can be changed by just replacing ONE word when asking a question. A very dangerous fact when for example, interviewed after a scary incident. The interviewer has a very big responsibility to NOT create new or false memories of the scenario, something easily done when trying to dig to understand what happened or what not happened.

Like with memory we can also easily fool ourselves when we’re working with Business Intelligence. For example, let’s say we have a statistics called “PlayTime” on STEAM. We’re actually aware and know that this metrics isn’t “Active PlayTime” but instead just the application running, including “Away from Keyboard” time – yet when it comes to decision-making on this metrics we easily forget it. So naming things is very important. The narrative you tell yourself every minute of your life is very important. It’s not easy though because life IS subjective. Yet archiving or failing results based on the wrong definition builds the wrong impression of what works. Both in life and in business.

Another “meta” business intelligence challenge I’ve faced with many different clients is the term “price” – is that the tag of the printed price-tag? Is it the amount paid by the customer including the discount tag overwriting the physical same tag? Is it the minus a virtual or cyber discount paid if via social media or another campaign?

It’s not easy to make a decision without knowing what the person you’re talking to define as “price”. It’s very easy to forget they’re not meaning the same thing as you are when you use the same word as them. And as most often, what we’re unaware of controls our options, so if you’re not even aware that there might be different definitions floating around, you can both come to VERY different conclusions. It’s the same with our memory and mind. Be mindful and kind of the words you choose to use when talking to yourself. Your emotions change with your perceptions, thus your memory change too more than you think!

Likewise, with a big data, you might encounter revenue on statistics you previously thought a waste. It's the same with your own brain. For example, we recently discovered we have brain cells in our heart. And many people believe in body-scanning as part of treating trauma, and in using quick movements to change emotional states.

So be kind to yourself in what you can manage to get input for.
I recently visited a Psychosynthesis event where I only went to the first presentation of the day, then chose to invest my day in other things (just due to prior prioritizing, it was a great event).

I get updates from some friends attending the full day and they marvelled at the number of facts I got from the one presentation, making them wonder if they slept thru parts of it. My belief is it was their whole day felt like a blur because they had a presentation after presentation making it hard to remember it all. But for me, point-purposefully going into a well-chosen presentation and just attending that one made it a lot easier for me to post-process and make it stick. I also aimed to apply some of the theories presented in my own mentoring and surely helped to make it stick.

Thus be kind to yourself. All of us embrace different parts of the reality we share. All of us carry different things forward. Your way is unique and worth living, worth expanding worth bettering.

Your brain can always develop more. It’s NEVER too late to change your brain, to take initiative for levelling up. Research shows that your brain develops in those areas you use often, and is highly affected by the words and emotions you choose.

Remember that memory works both ways. Life is about your future, about taking actions right now to ensure you better it for yourself those around you. In Psysosynthesis we use a lot of Imagery Exercise to retell, listen and embrace a memory to make a better future. As well as imaging the future and the actions needed to get there. This too has been studied to reshape the physical brain in measurable ways, just like meditation.

Believe in your own memory, aim to learn to see when you can trust it, when you really shouldn’t, and when to use it to become better or just in more harmony with where you already are.
 

Links in this article:
Liked this article but no time for reading or wanting your hands free for other things? Try the podcast version, it elaborates more on psychosyntesis but convers the same thing

Books:

• The Memory Illusion by Julia Shaw
• The Whole-Brain Child
• Unlocking the Emotional Brain: Eliminating Symptoms at Their Roots Using Memory Reconsolidation
• Start of the Harry Potter Series
  https://www.amazon.com/Harry-Potter-Philosophers-Stone-Rowling-ebook/dp/B019PIOJYU

Articles and presentations

• Psychosynthesis
• Why you can't trust yourself - by Mark Manson
• Your Body language shapes who you are by Amy Cuddy (video)
• Second Brain Found in Heart Neurons - Trust your Gut Feelings
• https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neurogenesis
• https://braindecoder.com/post/10-ted-talks-that-will-change-the-way-you-think-about-your-brain-1048201500
• How not to be ignorant about the world | Hans and Ola Rosling

Benefits of making it easy for others to say no

Gratitude for others' "no"? Benefits of making it easy for others to say no.

I deeply believe in focusing on the one thing that leads to success (quote from my friend John Lee Dumas). I’ve had multiple casts about the power of saying no. Saying "no" by guarding the best time of the day for producing your own results. Saying no to “friends” and people who do not behave in alignment to your values. Saying no early is so important, otherwise, we risk feelings like anger come out that can risk damaging our relationships. Anger is a wonderful boundary-setting skill, but if we push our anger on others instead of owning our anger to ourselves, and using it to establish or often re-establish a boundary to a healthy line, we risk pushing people away from us.

In comparison to saying no early, when we shouldn’t have to be angry, the other party wouldn't have to be invested so much into what we’re blocking/stopping.

Feeling and showing gratitude for others' no though, is sometimes at a cost for our own wish. Perhaps we wanted their company, or their help getting to some results or enabling some effect that would help us both. Either way, even if we’re not happy with the results, we still benefit from thanking them for their clear boundary-setting skills. Just like when we have to accept other people but can separate them from a result or separate their behavior from feelings, we can also here separate our wishes or dreams from what we want. I’m not saying we should ALWAYS accept a no, just consider the possibility of why they say no, and also encourage their aim to protect whatever they wanted to achieve.

By viewing the worldview from their perspective. Saluting them for focusing on getting what they value done, we rejoice in their path, happy for their sake in that they’re making progress.

It’s my experience in helping them towards their goal, is most often the best way to make others boomerang back to us, feeling free to help us towards our goals in whatever capacity they have.

I’d also like to add that in knowing they can clearly say “no” to our requests will make their "yes" so much more trust-worthy. Play and work get so much better when we can trust that a clear YES to actually mean a resounding yes when it does.

So encourage those around you to say no when they mean it and when they need it. And you’ll free them to be more direct in helping you both get progress. Helping you both in the long run.

Everything is feedback. Listen to what that no “does” to you. What can you learn there? That it’s more important to have it your way than to be effective? That perhaps you asked a bit too late, leaving no margins?  There is always a lesson to be learned from everything in life. When you listen to that lesson, separating behavior from the individual, distancing yourself just for a second from what you're feeling, like in this case perhaps “hurt”- you’ll be able to open your eyes to a whole other level of feedback from everything.

Most of us feel a bit guilty when saying no. By embracing this practice (when we honestly can mean it) you will make it easier for them to be honest in their communication with you. You will make it easier for them to do the work that matters. My experience is... If we help others have an impact on what matters to them... They’ll most often boomerang back to us with time for what’s important to us.

I also think something happens to us when we embrace this worldview. We embrace reality for what it really is. There is ALWAYS another way to our results. Getting the "no" faster is saving us time to figure out another way there. Making a big difference if we buckle up again for another go in another direction instead of waiting for that no to transform into a yes.

A healthy "no" is important to free our time to focus on doing the work that matters, just as it is important as getting to a "yes" in embracing reality.
 

Powerful words - Your way is understandable

Some words are very powerful.

People will remember how you made them feel for much longer than anything else.

That’s why words like “Your way is understandable” is so powerful. All of us wants to feel we’re sensible. All of us want to feel we’ve done what we could with what we have. It’s so EASY to forget that people are not bricks in a battlefield paper map moving exactly like ordered. It's easy to forget that choices look different when you’re the one drawing a map for yourself and others doing something new in urgency compared to watching the completed map in a calm situation.

It's easy to feel like you would have done so differently yourself.

Sometimes it feels hard to accept the method of the path taken by someone else.

Yet, accept their way. Their reasoning goes a long way in creating a change. Accepting what’s been and what it doesn’t mean you have to accept the results OR hurts or things you see in your perspective along with their way, along with their path, along with your projection of their path.

Accepting is the starting point. Embracing what is, what has been. That’s often the best way to push towards what may be. Toward the individual's potential. You CAN'T know other people's potential. Thinking you do would be limiting them to yours. And we get so mixed up with our own biases it’s hard to see others for what they really are. Including ourselves.

So if we accept we CAN’T possibly know the potential of anyone else, why is it so important to help them feel acceptable?

Try stepping on other people's toes and you'd feel like a moron for not knowing a better way.

Doesn’t HELP to volunteer that potential does it?

This comes very close to my old cast “that other way works just fine” – if you delegate on what to build, like a relationship AND develop your co-workers, you need to accept that it will not be done exactly like you’ve done it in the past. We’re all unique. I won’t go into stuff like policy, regulations, etc. Listen to that cast instead. Also, accepting where you came from is really a helpful way to make the best of the future.

So independent on HOW they did it, focus on the results you want and not on comparing the different ways of reaching it. It's easy to confuse ourselves, for example by ranking each individual choice between one another. The ranking between each other is ONLY relevant when everything else is equal in the matrix, and that will almost never happen. Focus on the metric of the results you want and compare each X to those results, ignoring the completion.

Same thing when selecting a new job among multiple offers.

Same thing when selecting a vendor among many.

Same thing when selecting a candidate from a pile of resumes.

Same thing when selecting a car among the brands.

Same thing for everything we do. It’s so EASY to get biased within THOSE we select from that we sometimes forget what we need. If any of the above or below is what you need, but the best among the company is what you have listed. You have to accept there are candidates you are unaware of always. You might need to re-design your needs. Create something new of someone's state of the world currently.

Going back to embracing the potential. If we limit ourselves to saying well it’s the best car/candidate/vendor from the list, we might end up with a great car that can’t serve us when we’re a full family. We have to compare our options to the need, not among the options.

A few quotes related to his cast, that might help you internalize these for your own benefits.

“Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts.”

Albert Einstein

Embrace what is. Don’t let yourself be fooled by your own biases, or of that bias someone else puts into your face by a ranking of anything.

"Accept the fact that we have to treat almost anybody as a volunteer."

Peter Drucker

Embrace what has been. Don’t think you can step on someone's toes AND get their max potential at the same time.

Race doesn't chase – origin of quote unknown to me.

Aim to compare against the results and the outcome you want, independent of what other people do, don’t do. Ignore what you think they think. Focus on the result FIRST to remain unbiased. THEN listen to other people’s feelings etc. People are the ones creating results. Focus on people in the right way and you will get results AND happy people.

Are you where you want to be? How much of that “want” is yours and yours alone, and how much of it is biased by others lists and rankings? Imagine as well the ladders, ranks and similar metrics?

Do you know how to measure what’s important to you in your next choice?

It's Not About You

It’s not about you

Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that everything isn’t about me.

Sometimes people around you behave in ways that make things difficult for you.
Making it hard for you to “imagine positive intent” when you see the effect it has on your results.

People didn’t start their activity aiming to ruin my results.

In this cast we talk about “it’s not about you” and ways you can zoom out from that kind of behaviour to help you set clear boundaries and ensure you’re talking about things that can be changed, instead of allowing your frustration to get in the way of the change you wish for, by making you focus on things that can’t be changed.

It's important to set healthy boundaries. That job does not start when you give feedback. It starts when you recruit and when you select whom to call friends. When you say to yourself, 'who' today, will I invest my time in? Like when you see a pattern at work or with friends in behaviors that do not give the effect you want. Own the parts of that scenario yourself. You could have chosen to work for another boss, chosen to surround yourself with other people.

Reminding ourselves that we have a choice, that we choose to be here. To be present in this group often makes it easier to show respect and talk about the stuff that makes a REAL difference instead of being irritated, pushing out our wishes just like that.

Reminding ourselves that the other person also has a choice. We have to remember to treat everyone like a volunteer. They too, always, have a choice to invest their time in someone or in someplace else.

It’s a LOT easier to change yourself than it is to change other people. Most importantly, don’t stick around “hoping” other people will change. It’s highly unlikely. Especially if we’re trying to drive change without changing ourselves, only hoping and complaining about other people's behaviors.

Dare to be vulnerable with how their behavior affects you. Tell the truth. And if change doesn’t happen. Don’t stay there, and IF you do--then it’s your choice too, not just the other person. Own that. Drive the change from within you first.

Own your anger. Don’t push it on others. You make it about you. Rarely, they wanted to do something beneficial for someone,  for something. Perhaps this was an accident. Perhaps it was a “not-thinking” incident and maybe you're not happy with the result but maybe it wasn’t about you. Imagine the positive intent. Ask for it. Only when you can accept that intention to drive then you can aim for the healthy boundary you need to set.

You are not accepting reality when you ask someone else to change. That energy and pain will go into you. And put a barrier between the two of you.

There is nothing wrong with dreams.  Nothing wrong with wishes of change.  But that’s in your head.  In your heart.  Sure, you’ve been hurt and have dreamt of wishes of revenge. Or you feel grateful for a gift. Or someone sharing their wisdom to you for what may be it’s still in your head. Only you make it about you. Must action from others is about them, about something they want to be or archive.

If you really dare to take ownership of positive intent, you kill anger. You make it easier to move to a place where you can talk about what is important for you without pushing the other part away. You Connect. And then it’s a lot easier to drive change towards where you want it.

Then you can aim your energy at the thing that makes all the difference instead of you making your own anger and frustration--eventually blocking the path. Block the insights away and focus on what really is the work worth doing. Not just that 'all or nothing' attitude. Significantly block everything out and we trap ourselves to fall into our anger.

Like this article? Try my podcast about this topic

Comfort zone - we all have in common it could be bigger

What is the comfort zone for you? Defining our comfort zone is sort like defining our own powers, isn’t it? If you let that blinking red light or subtle warning tape, you are already well aware of the floor stop or maybe you’re willing to step beyond its boundaries to get what you really want.

Do the work that really matters to you or those around you.

Easier said than done, isn’t it? I believe there will always be boundaries we fear to cross. We’re just learning how to extend our own place of “harmony and regenerating energy” and the power it brings.

I also believe the comfort zone is always shrinking. At least I know mine is, so taking actions to extend it is the only way I won’t find myself in a corner eventually.
Do you think about your comfort zone much? And more importantly where you want it to be today and in the future?

Two things I did this month, that might not be big to you but to me, it is to dare face those butterflies in my stomach. It was allowing myself to be interviewed by John Lee Dumas on EOFire.com – I trust him deeply, having had the luxury of getting some quick live coaching from him in person when we met in 2014 so I have a full trust on him.
But knowing his podcasts get 1.2 million downloads a month makes my knees tremble still. And I know that made my voice tremble nervously in our podcast.
Still, I expect that when I do new things, it’s OK to be vulnerable.
I share this hoping to inspire you to be kind to yourself when doing new things.
Hoping this message will make it easier for you to dare do new things. Extending YOUR comfort zone isn’t easy. If it was, that would be IN the comfortable place not outside it. Don’t expect to excel when you do that. That comes later.

I’ve gotten invites to be a guest on others' podcast before and just the thought of doing that has made me nervous enough not to try. Now I know I can. Thus the nervousness is lessened greatly.

Eventually, IF I try it again, and again, it will become a lot less. And that will make it easier to focus on the value their host think I can add to their audience instead of focusing on the fear of risking appearing new and fumbling as a guest. They’re not listening to guess how often I’ve done podcasting. They’re listening for things to make their lives better. And I do believe in my message. I shouldn’t let my fear of the recorder stop me… but sure, the fear is still there. Just as I know I smile fondly at my mistakes in a computer code I made 20 years ago. Now that I know more about the world, I will smile fondly at my mistakes in John's podcast recording of me, knowing so much more about myself and the world then than now. Just like you will in anything you choose to endeavor in your life.

So I encourage you. Be kind to yourself today but try to dare to tip at least a toe outside your comfort zone.  Don’t let anyone else tell you what’s easy and what’s hard. What’s scary or what's not supposed to be. Only you know that, and if you listen, you know when you’re fooling yourself too so please I beg you. Tip your toe in...today.

Your future you will always know more than you do today. Don’t let those thoughts stop you from doing something today that builds towards your future. Don’t wait until you’re ready to leap, then you’ve waited too long in 99% of the cases.

On that note, I will also encourage you to try the actionable tip of the day newsletter I created this month. It’s just a few sentences aiming to encourage you to follow some “mini-small” actionable advice – and talk and tweak it with your co-worker to make it even better.

You’ll find it here http://SmallStepsToExcellence.com

 And talking about stepping outside your comfort zone and going beyond it I also want to recommend these sources of great insights that might help you as well:

• http://CurveFinder.com – I’ve read a ton of insights here, written in a form I hope to learn myself someday
• https://www.creativelive.com/courses/30-days-genius-chase-jarvis
   

Podcast Stockholm

I tried to find any local podcast events in Stockholm talking about global podcasting and couldn’t find any.

Thus I will take the initiative to create for others what we’re unable to find – together with Phil Pallen. At least give it a shot. I am no event manager but we all learn by doing. Expect this to be something very small but still I would like to try since I believe in trying to help make a change for better.

Right now we’re talking about what would help people the most in such an event. If you have a specific need let us know and we might add it to the speaker-topic list.
If able I’ll email you anyway something I think might help you forward.

We’ve decided to host this event sometime during September 2016, and it will take place in Stockholm. If the interest is high we will proceed with this here

Sign up here to be alerted when the date and agenda is fully set.

What do you think the world need more of?
What small step can you to take today, towards making that happen?
Change does not have to start with a bang. A small step can make a difference with persistence, patience and trust.

altMBA - Do the work that matters

During Mars 2016 I workshopped intensely with my classmates in Seth Godins altMBA course. It was the 4th time it was run.

In summary for those two want the facts:

I learned to:

• To ship – Deliver often and constantly.
• New ways to collaborate in live web-workshops to create more than most of us thought possible in "impossible" timeframes.
• I embraced and understood abstract stuff like problem framing, constraints, and sunk costs more than I'd ever been able to from a textbook or lecture.
• I learned to love most of the people the course attitude attracted.

The longer story for those who want the story

Perhaps twenty years ago I attended a leadership course where there was a huge image on the wall saying “YOUR True Life begins outside the comfort zone”

That message has been with me every now and then since. I have often embraced a change with tension, weak knees and insight in how I would like it to become. Taking a leap outside my comfort zone to create the future I want and then a few step backs hiding within it again. Slowly stretching myself into becoming the leader I am today. A quiet listener and a strong driver of change that matters to me and others around me.

What strikes me with altmba was how quick a lot of things changed for me.

Embracing my fear of photos of the web took a year and resulted in this site that helps leaders “sit with their resistance without hiding, without losing focus or energy yet taking a well-earned timeout before going head-on back to the task at hand”
That took me a year to dare to do. I’m smiling fondly and a bit silly at myself now at the memory.

I embraced the fear of having “opinions” on the web by created this podcast for leaders and anyone who want to have effects beyond themselves. That took another year for me to dare do.
Then I created another podcast (smaller stretch now that I knew I could) just to dare to embrace the fear of “what would others say” about this serious manager – talking about computer games combined with self-leadership. That decision also took me about half a year to dare to do

I still carry a lot within me that I haven’t yet dared to do. I guess that’s part of being human.
It is a wonderful feeling to face that fear though, and realize I today dare to do more, accomplish more of the work that matters than I would a year ago looking back. And to know I will feel the same looking back at today’s fear.

All in all – looking back, driving change apparently took me ages.

With AltMBA I learned to learn quick. To get feedback quick. To Try again quick. That transformation of having to ship often was quite painful for me, but in a healthy way.

My next embraces will be smaller sprints yet archiving more.
I’m thankful to all students and coaches of this course for your continuous wonderful & kind, honest & direct, feedback. Thank you, all of you for generously giving my so much of your time and insights to help me grow.

One small way I today noticed that I had changed was when I was asked to be interviewed in front of a huge video camera I surprised myself by answering yes (with tension of course :)

Normally, when I see a serious big video camera, I would say no!  – The lizard brain wanting to hide me away. Note this was nothing big, just a personal VIP demo of https://www.htcvive.com/eu but still – I dared face a “non-necessary” video recording – just to stretch my comfort zone.

That would not have happened four weeks ago. I would have chosen the easy no, hiding myself away in the shadows.

Thank you altMBA for challenging my comfort zone. Giving me yet more freedom. For levelling me up in all sorts of ways. For inspiring me to do more work that matters - for myself and those around me.

Tap into the Larger Conversation

Tap into the Larger Conversation

The one in yourself, the one in your organisation and the ones going in by your customers. Tap into that, align with it and you will find both a greater connection and greater energy for taking initiative for the better. For you and those around you.

Listen to it and tap into it when you need help to give the new initiative a push. Listen to it and become aware of eventual hidden resistance. Listen to it and help those around you become aware of it so they too will have an easier time achieving what they what to archive.
All organisations have multiple “larger conversations” going on alongside with the daily one.
And internally, inside all of us, there are also multiple conversations going on at the same time with some stronger winds pushing some thoughts forward and pushing others away.

As Peter Drucker said – the most important thing in communication is listening for what’s not being said.

Perhaps the organisation has a larger conversation going on that you never talk about like the full cost of things. Only talking just what's visible on the table. Perhaps you have an organization-wide undertone that embraces risk? That salute and initiate for the chance that every tenth will bring in twenty-times the revenue. Or perhaps your organisation is afraid of risk – always pretending that all is well.

We all have these larger conversations going on inside of us all the time.  And if you are not aware of yours you won’t know they are controlling your options. The windows of your inner game blow you so strong in one direction that you won’t know that there actually are other options in this choice than just what you are thinking of right now. There always are.
Likewise for an organisation. If you are not aware of a reasonable cost, you can’t control it. If you are not aware of a reasonable time to market, you can’t push for it.
It’s the same when choosing your friends as well.

You know the old saying that you are the average of the ten people you spend the most time with?
I believe this is extremely important. The people around you, study after study conducted says, they actually effect yours and your team's effective output and productivity in such a large scale. Listen to the larger conversation.

Hang with those people that say it's possible and you will help them make it true.
If you hang with the people that say it's impossible, or way too costly, they will find a way to make that true too. As Henry Ford said, “if you say you can, or that you cannot – you will be right in both cases.”

I really want to encourage you to listen to your own, inner “larger conversation.”

Listen to the friends you’re investing your time with.

Listen to the organisation that you serve the most time.

Listen to that organisation's customers – what’s the larger conversation going on? How can you serve all of them better? One crucial point: sometimes you encounter things that are in the larger conversation that doesn’t serve you.

You can’t change other people. You can only change yourself. If you don’t like the “larger conversation” inside you, you can change that. If you become aware of your patterns, you can tap into the “larger conversation” – doing so is a great way to give you energy to get the results you want.
 

What are your tips of really tapping into the larger conversations?

Comment below

The Power of Positive and Negative Pessimistic Thinking.

The Power of Positive and Negative Pessimistic Thinking.

I believe we live in a “connection economy” like Seth Godin started saying many years ago. Nothing kills a connection with someone like pessimism.

Pessimism not only kills your own creativity but also kills the creativity of those around you.

Positive thinking wears off, negative thinking sticks with us for weeks.

Pessimism kills professionally. Being a professional for me, most often, means helping others to gain results. An attitude like pessimism could cut a big hole in your results compared to what you could have created.
Even if you make it to your professional niche, to be a penetration tester and into demolition or breaking things you still need to be optimistic about; or you will eventually lose them to someone who does not do the job AND leaves a better feeling in the mouth. They might not even be as great at finding faults and blowing stuff as you are. They’d still get the job.

Pessimism damages relationships. Perception is the reality. If you’re always thinking and communicating the worst, you’ll turn people off and drive them away. Instead of growing closer, they’ll start looking for excuses to be someplace else with somebody different. There will always be someone else that is easier to be around.

If you find yourself often venting frustration about a person’s behavior or skill-level to a colleague after meeting a client, you are doing all three of yourself a huge disfavor. Your colleague will stop wanting to work with you because she has to carry your emotional garbage that you’re apparently now willing to deal with externally. It’s a total opposite if you turn it around and say “You know what,  I believe in the 80/20 rule and I believe this a customer/friend that I don’t want to be a part of my circles. Should we focus on other people instead and then do something about it? But if the pattern is there then you will often vent your frustration at the same flaws and go back where you started.
That’s on you. If you’re just venting frustration it smells dead and bad. This will drive people away. Work with your feelings instead. You can’t change other people. If you can't change, they will try to leave you instead.

Dan Miller has an excellent podcast episode about Sceptic spouse that I warmly recommend you listen to regarding this subject. Try to listen with your co-workers.

Pessimism makes you sick. I read a study in the 80s that took saliva of people watching love films and these people had extra immunity, like healthy bacteria in them compared to most people, for up to an hour afterward. We all know pessimism drives up the stress level. I’ve also read a study where they said dementia correlated highly with a pessimistic attitude.
There have also been studies that show that health connection to other people helps heal people.

So if you find yourself venting your inner frustration toward other people, either in the meeting or afterward to some poor victim, what can you do?

What I’ve read about positive psychology is start with finding things that you are grateful for. Sure – life isn’t perfect but look for the beauty – not the cracks. Find things that make you smile. Find things that you are thankful for accomplishing. It could be small things like I promised myself to get decent sleep today and I managed to do it. Is today so much better thanks to my decision getting to bed early? Thanks to my discipline to not eating sugary foods today or never eating sugar ever. It could be anything in your life. You decide what’s healthy for you.

Most of the time when we are complaining about others, we are really screaming out loud to those who listen that we’re not happy about ourselves. And no one but yourself can change that. Doesn’t matter how much others keep trying.

You know that old saying: when you’re pointing a finger at someone most of your fingers are pointing back to yourself.

So give yourself some time to practice gratitude. Today, take on a new pair of glasses and see the small or big things you'll accomplish. While you’re at it, help shine a light of gratefulness on those around you as well. This will help you feel like you and others belong.
 

eWork awarded Ric "Consultant of 2013 Q4" out of their 7 500

eWorkGroup awarded Ric as “Consultant of 2013” (out of their active 7.500 consultants (60 000 in their database) This is happy news for me and makes my heart sing! Im very honored by their choice to award me out all the great candidates they have available to choose from.

Their motivation was (in swedish sorry, basically crediting reputation, leadership and communication skills)

“Richard är en stark eWork-ambassadör och är mycket omtyckt av både kunder och eWorkare. Han beskrivs som en konsult med bred teknisk kompetens som även har mycket lätt för att samarbeta med människor på olika nivåer – en sann kommunikatör och inspiratör!

Richard har upprepade gånger skaffat sig nya uppdrag på grund av sitt goda rykte, sin kunskap och sin suveräna kommunikationsförmåga, vilket har resulterat i olika uppdrag via eWork i över fem års tid. Dessutom har Richard ställt upp som referens i eWorks årsredovisning och rekommenderat eWork till andra konsulter.”